this blog is on permanent hiatus. what i mean is i dont plan on returning to blogging publically anymore. it has been fun getting to know all of you. i wish the best for all of your lives. i hope we all meet one day in the world to come!

today i got in the mail a book from crate&barrel called "50 things you wish someone had told you before you registered." i know i should be detached, but i cant help it. i want nice things.

jim and i got our engagement pictures taken today at tower grove park. i dont know how it works for anyone else, but for me i have feeling pretty days and feeling not pretty days. today was a feeling not pretty day. and my hair was very unruly. so even though i had been looking forward to getting engagement pictures, oh, since i was old enough to think about weddings, i wasnt all that excited or eager to get my picture taken today. but it turned out to be fun and hopefully at least one of the pictures will turn out.

there is a great horned owl that lives in the woods around my subdivision. i have seen him (or her) sitting in the trees behind our condo. i can hear him (or her) hooting outside my bedroom now.

i bought gas today for $1.99 a gallon!!!!!!!!!!!!

does anyone know what the "make journal private" option under the preferences tab does???

jim and i went to the sufjan stevens concert last night at the pageant. it was way more money than we ought to be spending, especially when you add in dinner at cicero's and coffees from starbucks (pumpkin spice latte is back!!!). but i am really glad we went because i enjoyed the show very much. jim was a little bit bored, as sufjan doesnt exactly blow his mind. but, well, he doesnt really blow my mind either...he relaxes me. i thought it was a beautiful presentation of some beautiful music. i especially liked the second song he played about the transfiguration of Christ. i would really like to find that song, any tips on what it is called and what album its on (if its even on an album) would be much appreciated.

wedding updates:

- the wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses have been ordered
- the tuxedos have been picked out and reserved
- the flower girl dress has been picked out
- i made a mock-up of the wedding invitation with my step-mom; they are going to look really nice
- i had a minor break-down after meeting with my dad about the wedding budget. despite the fact that we have found probably the cheapest caterer in town and i am already giving up lots of typical wedding items (no decorations in the church, no limo or fancy transportation, no wedding cake, no guest favors on the table, cash bar instead of free alcohol, etc...), it still might cost more than my dad can afford. i think we can keep it under budget, but its going to be really tight. i am tired of the stress and expenditure all for just one day. but, on the upside...
- i cant wait to be married!!!

p.s. - rachel, i brought back the giant lemon. do you like it?

do you ever feel like your thought life is more real than your actual life?

sometimes when i become strikingly aware of my physical reality and the circumstances of my real life, it almost feels foreign. like i stepped into someone else's life. or like reality and fantasy switched places. or like a game i was playing suddenly became real.

i guess this is because i spend so much time in the world of my thoughts and fantasies. i think its is pretty messed up and backwards. i'd better fix it.

ahoy, and shiver me timbers! today be talk like a pirate day. ye best be observin this solemn occasion, land lubbers.